The first site-exclusive Mega-Review! This is a quartet of noodle cups from a UK company that operated in the US for a short while under the name Kusari Noodles. This one has a little bit of a backstory behind it, but this marks the first time I’m reviewing noodles made in the UK, which means this is going to be interesting. Buckle up!
Read more: Mega-Review: Kusari Noodles (aka Kabuto Noodles)These are actually made by a company called Kabuto Noodles, but they came over to America back in 2019 rebranded as “Kusari Noodles” for reasons I couldn’t ascertain in preparing for this review. Possibly an existing trademark or something… who knows (there will be a lot of “who knows?” observations throughout this one, be forewarned). Either way, I spotted these at my local Big Lots (RIP) for $0.99 each a while back and grabbed one of each variety that was available. There’s Chicken Ramen, Chili Chicken Ramen, Miso Ramen, and Beef Pho. Kusari also sold a handful of kid-friendly varieties in the US under the branding “Kusari Kids,” but I never did see them anywhere in person, and so unfortunately they aren’t a part of this article. However, from what I have been able to piece together, the four varieties in this review represent all of the non-Kids varieties that were ever sold in the US.
So you may be wondering, if you’re in the US, why you haven’t seen these lately – or maybe ever. It’s because apparently at some point within the last year or so, Kabuto called it quits with Kusari for reasons unknown, and so these stopped being sold in the US entirely. Their Instagram and Twitter accounts just stopped posting new content without any explanation, their website eventually disappeared (likely expired due to a non-renewal of the domain), and all product listings still on Amazon, Walmart, etc. now say “unavailable.” It’s kind of strange to me that they couldn’t at least post something on social media to their followers like, “Hey, sorry everyone, we’re not selling noodles in American anymore. It’s been real. Cheers.” But no, everything just abruptly stopped. Does that mean they hope to come back someday? Maybe the experiment of selling cheap noodles in the US didn’t quite work out how they envisioned it and they didn’t want to pay some poor intern to make one final social media post? Or maybe they’re so completely focused on their markets in the UK and Iceland that providing closure for their American customers doesn’t matter? Who knows.
What I do know is that since these are still being sold under the Kabuto branding in the UK, I’m going to review them anyway for my non-US readership, and also just in case they ever make their way back to the states someday. From what Kabuto’s website says, they’re a family-run business all about sustainability and ethical sourcing, so I really love that about them, but many times that’s doublespeak for “We tried to invent our own weird healthy version of ramen.” Hopefully the noodles are as good as their mission statement, because let’s face it, British noodles have a bit of a… reputation.
First up is going to be the most basic flavor, Chicken Ramen.
So you’ll immediately notice some red flags on the packaging, including the need to call out “authentic Asian flavors” and a cutesy quote. Those are usually signs that the product is going to suck, in my experience. Sodium is on the medium side at 1272mg.
Inside, you’ll find a puck of very thin yellow noodles and a big pile of seasoning powder and dried toppings underneath. You can see the specific ingredients in the batch of photos above, but those of you purchasing the Kabuto branding of this should doublecheck the ingredients to see if something doesn’t agree with your dietary restrictions. As it stands, this is vegetarian but not vegan due to the inclusion of eggs in the noodles (which makes them not ramen despite what the package says) and milk. You may also notice there’s no chicken in this “chicken” flavor. Instead, it’s a blend of sugar, salt, fried onions, green onion, soy sauce (one of the types made with vinegar), ginger, garlic, cilantro, and chili pepper.
I do appreciate that the microwave instructions have adjusted times for your wattage. I don’t see that very often and it’s nice to know how to properly adjust your time to make the finished product. Speaking of finished products, take a gander at what this looks like all cooked up:
Doesn’t look super appetizing, does it? Lots of starchy foam from the noodles, and a peculiarly dark broth for something that’s supposed to be chicken-flavored.
Noodles:
This noodle score will apply to all four cups since they’re the same noodles in each. And I do not like these noodles one bit. They are strangely crumbly and rough, almost reminding me of a (more) inferior version of the Chef Woo noodles I reviewed a little while back, which were not my favorite to begin with. They feel simultaneously limp and undercooked, and their super thin gauge isn’t something I prefer. I can’t pinpoint the inclusion of eggs in the noodle ingredients as the culprit, but I wonder if their exclusion would’ve helped the texture here instead of Kusari trying to reinvent the proverbial wheel. Thoroughly unpleasant for me.
- 2/10
Spiciness:
Despite there being chili pepper listed in the ingredients, I didn’t detect anything remotely spicy in this. YMMV of course, so for the sake of caution, I’ll score the spiciness above a 0.
- 1/10
Overall:
Before I get into this, I want to mention that you need to stir the hell out of all of these cups to get the broth all mixed up. All of the powder and dried bits are at the bottom of the cup, and the handful of people who loved this brand called out negative reviewers on Walmart and Amazon by saying (paraphrasing), “It tastes great – you just didn’t stir it enough.” So believe me, I stirred this vigorously so that one of the three remaining fans of Kusari Noodles wouldn’t call me out on a half-assed review. With that in mind… I could tell right away by looking at this and smelling it that I wasn’t going to enjoy it. Not only is it a super unappealing color and body for a chicken instant “ramen,” but the aroma is a strong blend of onion, ginger, and vinegar. The actual flavor isn’t much better. No two bites were exactly the same, and not in a good way – it was alternatingly sweet, sour, and bitter, but not in a harmonious way, but more in a competitive way. The balance of flavors was awful to me. There’s no reason that fried onions, soy, and ginger shouldn’t be able to work together, but here we are. And in what way is this chicken-flavored, you may ask? It isn’t. The only thing adjacent to a chicken in here is the egg in the noodles, which I must once again point out is pretty far from an “authentic” Asian noodle experience despite the bullshit being peddled on the cup label. This is a soy-and-vinegar broth with no hint of chicken. I think the choice to use a soy sauce that contains spirit vinegar might have been a bad move here – maybe a more mellow soy sauce without vinegar would’ve made this palatable, but that’s just speculation on my part. The dried bits were cilantro, which didn’t really bother me, along with overly soggy little pieces of fried onion and, I think, an attempt at soy protein flakes. They provided a little additional texture that I would’ve liked alongside better noodles, and I also think I have the fried onions to partially blame for the sweet-and-bitter flavors I was getting. I wasn’t expecting much out of this cup and I was still disappointed. Between the off-putting flavor and the terrible noodles, there was no saving this one – it went right into the garbage after a couple bites.
- 1/10
Chili Chicken Ramen:
Next up is the Chili Chicken flavor, and I want to draw your attention to the quote on the cup above: “When The Character Of A Person Is Not Clear To You, Look At Their Noodles.” Putting aside the weird choice to capitalize every letter, what do your noodles say about your character, Kabuto? Because I’m not impressed thus far. Take a gander at the Chili Chicken ingredients and cup contents below:
There’s a bit less sodium in this one, 1420mg. If you do a side-by-side comparison on the ingredients of this cup vs. the Chicken cup, you’ll notice they’re pretty identical. The only obvious difference by looking at the contents of the cup is the presence of some chili flakes settled at the bottom.
Noodles:
See above.
- 2/10
Spiciness:
This one actually does have a smack of chili flavor to it unlike the first cup, and of course it should considering it says “Chili Chicken” on the label, but you never know with some of these non-Asian manufactured varieties just how spicy they’ll actually be. This one is still pretty squarely on the mild side. Really, you could achieve the same end result by adding a couple of shakes of crushed red pepper to the Chicken cup. It’s not terribly hot but just enough to get your attention before the spice dissipates.
- 3/10
Overall:
The good news is that I liked this one better than the first one – I think the addition of chili flakes helps to bring some much-needed balance to the broth, even if it is just some mild smoky spiciness. The bad news is that all of the problems from the Chicken flavor are still here: bad noodles, sweet/sour/bitter flavors competing for dominance on my palate, and lackluster dried ingredient quality. And it still tastes about as close to chicken broth as clam chowder does. I got through more of this one before it went in the trash, but that is only faint praise.
- 2/10
Miso Ramen:
After those first two flavors, I do not have high hopes for this one. I have had some pretty bad miso varieties in the past and I have a feeling this one is about to join them.
Another quote on the back here, which I’m going to take as an ironic indictment of these noodles. Here’s the ingredients and the opened cup:
1248mg of sodium now. Still in the medium range of your daily allowance. You’ll notice this time around we’ve got miso (of course), plus leeks and mushrooms in place of ginger, chili, and cilantro. But we’ve still got those fried onion pieces and the vinegar-laden soy sauce, so I’m still not hopeful.
Here’s the finished product:
Noodles:
See above.
- 2/10
Spiciness:
Nonexistant. With the chili flakes removed from this recipe, there’s nothing to call out that could cause any heat on your palate.
- 0/10
Overall:
From a flavor perspective, to its credit, there is a strong undercurrent of umami from the mushrooms and miso. The problem I keep running into is that the base flavor is still that oddly sweet and sour blend. I speculated when I wrote the Chicken review above, but I am 100% certain now that using a soy sauce with vinegar is the main downfall of all these flavors. Remove that acidic element, and I think what’s left wouldn’t exactly be great, but it would be less offensive to me. Putting aside the noodle issues and the balance of flavors, the real problem in this variety I found to be the quality of the dried toppings – the leek and mushroom pieces. They are fibrous beyond belief, and the short cook time this cup needed in the microwave seems to not be enough time to rehydrate them properly. Seriously, I found them basically inedible. If these were sourced externally, Kusari should have severed ties and found a new supplier. It makes me wonder if quality control issues were at the heart of the decision to abandon the brand – who could say? It wouldn’t surprise me. I would’ve given this one a slightly higher score if not for those dried bits, but this is on par with the Chili Chicken flavor for me (which is not praise). Into the trash it went, although it lasted longer than any of the other cups.
- 2/10
Beef Pho:
And now we come to the Beef Pho flavor, and you don’t have to be psychic to predict how this one is going to go.
Check out that list of ingredients up above. Anything strike you as odd? When’s the last time you saw egg noodles, mushrooms, and corn in pho? This tells me that Kusari/Kabuto does not take the noodle business seriously. This is some Jamie Oliver-level nonsense where they clearly lack a basic understanding of Asian noodles and so we end up with… well, you’ll see below.
Look at those yellow kernel bastards floating in there. This is not pho. This is not right.
Noodles:
See above. And I need to reiterate that these are not even close to pho rice noodles.
- 2/10
Spiciness:
There is chili pepper in the ingredients and so I am obligated to give it a nonzero score. But I did not taste anything I’d describe as hot.
- 1/10
Overall:
I don’t even know where to start with this. I’ve said many times in the past that I can forgive something’s “authenticity” if it still tastes good, meaning I could forgive the fact that this doesn’t remotely resemble pho if it still had a nice flavor. It does not have a nice flavor. For me, it’s one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten. Once again, the sweet/bitter/acidic combination found in the other three cups forms the broth base. It does not taste like beef, but rather like a weird shoyu with a questionable balance of spices. There is cinnamon and star anise in this, but we’re missing other pho broth basics like cardamom, cloves, and coriander seed, and probably even a basic ingredient like peppercorn from what I could taste. But we do have an overwhelming abundance of mint in place of those spices. The end result is an overly sweet, minty mess of a broth. I forced myself to dry-heave through several bites & sips of this to make sure I got enough taste for a thorough review before it went in the trash. This is Bottom Ten list material for sure. Whoever designed and/or approved this recipe has no business working in the food industry.
- 0/10
I don’t normally wish ill-will on a company, but I for one am happy that Kusari is no longer tainting American shelves with these absolutely vile (IMO, of course) products. This is what happens when people who have no business being in the noodle business think that they can do better than all of the companies out there already making quality products. If the Kabuto noodles sold across the pond are these same recipes used in this Kusari branding (and from poking around Kabuto’s website, the Chicken and Chili Chicken certainly seem to be), I do not recommend wasting your money on these. Mercifully, it looks like Beef Pho is no longer sold in the UK either, so at least you Brits have been spared from that experience. To use a British term I don’t get to throw around as an American very often, these are rubbish. Support some actual noodle companies instead if you want to buy cup products.
